By The Way

I want to drill a hole in my head. I’m not lonely but at the same time I am. They can hear me but they don’t want to. Maybe I should move away from them. From everyone. She doesn’t love me, she doesn’t even exist. I’ve got everything I dreamt about but it’s not enough. They say you can’t buy happiness. It’s bullshit. You can. But will it be enough to remain happy? Only something new can make you happy. Where do you buy your buzz? Do I care? No? Yes? Tell me everything. Just don’t leave me alone. I’m tired of doing nothing. I’m tired of being nothing. Maybe death is waiting for me? Why I am so nervous? What can make me peaceful? People. I like people. I love people. I hate people? Do I really love or hate them? Do I really care? I’d better shut the fuck up.

I don’t want to love or hate anymore. I want to achieve pacification. Reach the top of the calmness. Enjoy the silence.

Am I asking a lot?

I want to burn myself from inside.

I want my ashes scattered all over the world.

I don’t want to feel anymore.

Leave me alone.

I’m afraid of loneliness.

Save me.

I’m disgusting.

I wanna be loved by you, nobody else but you.

I can feel my eyes flow.

I feel my bones in fingers burn and frost. I can feel them being cracked.

People hate me. Maybe it’s because I can’t be as cold as they are. Or maybe they love me. I’d like it to be the truth. But it isn’t. There’s always someone else. Better. I want to drown in my own tears.

Ambulance doctors are fighting for my life? What for?

Maybe I’d better just pass away.

Life was so sour and at the same time so fucking sweet. I shouldn’t have done that. But I’ve done.

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck